Not for the Faint of Heart

Dear “Jerks Who Continue To Ruin Me”,

I hate you. I hate what you do, I hate how you live, I hate who you are, and I hate that you get away with it. What I hate more is that you make me think about doing it too so maybe I could benefit off those who work for a living and not have to do it myself (just like you do). Alas, I would get caught because I’m not a jackass who masters the art of being a leech.

Yes, I hate you. Don’t know how else I can describe the way I feel once I’ve been violated like this (not just once but time and time again) but to put off my immense, deep hatred onto you and your “friends” who live as parasites off those who work hard to get what they want/need and try everything they can to keep it.

If that’s how society works- “work hard so others don’t have to…” then I quit.

Put me on Medi-Cal because I don't want to get a job. Give me un-employment so I can use the excuse that the economy is so tough right now so I’m just gonna sit on my ass for over a year, collecting those lovely checks. Put me in a Section 8 house that’s nicer than all my neighbors’ houses because I can’t afford to pay rent.

The thing that bothers me more than you taking what I had and selling it at a profit, what bothers me more than changing my mentality because I see you get away with it, that bothers me more than looking at everyone who does nothing and gets more than those who are actually working for it…. 

The thing that bothers me the most out of everything I’m going through is that I pay almost $1,000 a month to live in a place where I don’t feel safe. Every morning I walk downstairs, phone in hand, ready to call the cops because my car is missing. Every day at lunch, I go home so I can at least know if someone breaks into my apartment I have a smaller window of time that I can tell the cops it happened. Every day when I get home from work, I half run to my door so I can quickly slide in my key and immediately lock the door behind me in fear that someone was following me. Every night, I tie up the bag of garbage and leave it by my front door because I can’t go outside after dark. I can’t sleep through the night without aid. Every weekend I pray that either my mom comes down the hill or she wants me to come up because I don’t want to sit there by myself… vulnerable to you douchebags who prey off the “haves”. I hate when it rains. Every sound I hear, every rustling tree, every barking dog and every thump on the roof or on my patio reminds me that someone might try to break in. God forbid I’m there when it happens.

I hate that I can't sit in silence, even for 5 seconds, because I'm afraid of where my mind will go. I hate that I sometimes pray you will just get it over with so I won’t have to wait for the day that it will happen, because as history has proven…. It WILL happen. I hate who I have become because of who you are.

So here’s a big THANKS and F*** YOU!