Have you ever been so happy you don’t know how to describe it? Well, that’s where I am right now. For you, the exclusive hundreds that are now able to see my blog, I will try to explain my feelings…
My friends are amazing – reconnecting with those I lost touch with so long ago, the few that have managed to stick around through my transformation between college kid to working adult, the ones who are always there when you need them even when you haven’t spoken in quite some time, and those who you can talk to on a daily basis and not care about whether you have something new to say. I want you all to know that I have a space reserved for you in my mind and heart, even if we don’t see each other as often as we’d like!
My family is irreplaceable – I will always be mommy’s best friend, daddy’s little girl and brother’s shoulder to lean on. We all may disagree, disapprove, and annoy each other… but for you, I am ALWAYS here: emotionally, financially, spiritually, and physically! I love all my family in some way but these three exemplify the meaning of unconditional love. No matter how many mistakes, wrong decisions, stubborn hissy-fits I make, my parents have always been there for me and will always continue to be there for me. My brother and I, being brother and sister, argue and bicker all the time, but when it comes down to it I would drop everything in the world to help him and to be where he needs me to be. Whether or not that’s true in his case is a different story. But regardless, I would be there anyway.
My boyfriend is unbelievable – he handles me in a way that no one else could. Although, he’s still getting to know me and my needs when I’m upset or sick, he still shows me that he cares about me. We all know I’m not the easiest person to deal with, but he is patient, kind and understanding. Especially, lately with all this drama we’ve been dealing with, he has been sensitive and respectful to me. He understands my frustrations with the situation but he includes me in his life (no matter how dramatic) and he is learning that I can be more submissive when I feel like I am 1) included, 2) that my opinion matters, 3) being defended when necessary, and 4) not the one who cares the most about the situation. Let me explain what I mean.
1) I want to feel included in whatever is going on in his life. I want to know what is making him upset, what is being said and what he wants to do about it.
2) I don’t want to be brushed off when I make a suggestion. I want my opinion to be awarded its due diligence and to be considered for action.
3) If someone attacks me or my relationship with him, I want to know that he is defending me against whoever the attacker is. This is where I had doubts a few months ago, but it is obvious to me now that he is defending me. He does it in his own way, and sometimes I’m not satisfied with the method, but nevertheless he is doing it. Lately, he’s been more vocal about my position in his life (to me as well as others) and for that I am very grateful.
4) I don’t want to be the one who gets heated about a situation when I shouldn’t be the one who is most affected by it. I’m not saying I won’t get heated either way, because we all know I will… I am, after all, a very passionate person. I don’t want to be affected by something so strongly when the other, whom it was directed towards, acts as if he’s not affected. When this happens, I feel the need to overcompensate and as a result, I overreact. However, if the reactions are spread out throughout both parties, I compose myself a little better and start thinking more clearly. Obviously, this is something I need to work on…
He’s amazing because through all this crap he deals with on a daily basis (the stress, the anger, the sadness) he still manages to make me feel like I am one of the things that makes him happiest. I will never be #1 (and I don’t expect to be, in his case) but I am very happy with where he’s put me over the most recent few months.
Everyone will have their arguments and disagreements with the ones they love, but the important thing is to be reminded of their love for you and to be patient. After all,
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Now back to how I feel:
I feel like I am floating on a cloud. Not the dark, thin, stretched out clouds but the white, fluffy, puffy clouds; one where you find baby angels with wings and unicorns prancing from one to the other. I feel all twisted up inside. My stomach feels like butterflies are flapping their wings against my insides giving me that weird itchy feeling that you just can’t scratch. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop smiling. The fact that I try to stop smiling actually makes me smile!
I feel so lucky to have such great people in my life. I know now, more than ever, that quality is MUCH more important than quantity. I’ve always known this, but everyone gets caught up from time to time. I’ve shaved it down to the proud selection that makes me happiest and shows me that they need me as much as I need them. Even those who are my “friends” but we haven’t gotten that close, I know that we have what we have and it’s good enough for the both of us. Everyone needs that close knit circle but that doesn’t mean those surrounding few aren’t important.
I have enough love to spread around so if I seem oddly happy or lovey dovey with you, it’s because I appreciate you! I appreciate who you are and the things that you do. I also appreciate that you accept me for who I am and the things that I do. So thanks! Thanks for putting a smile on my face, even if it’s just once. I hope I can return the favor!
"We are all a little weird and life is a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." -Dr. Seuss
